Voting Machine Ballot Duplication...County Clerks LOVE It
Special Conspiracy Theorist Edition
De Minimus Reptillian Brained MagaDonians,
Instead of focusing on dry-cold-hard-facts like these pages typically do, today I am focusing on education through entertaining narrative deployments. I am hoping your gnat size attention span can be expanded to that of maybe a Frog?
Today’s topic is using Tabulators as ballot duplication machines for MagaDonians who can’t manage to vote correctly and for example, damage YOUR OWN ballot.
M-Donians are great at this, screwing up super easy stuff, like voting. Here is an example based on actual circumstances.
You receive a pristine ballot in the mail from our trustworthy friends at the USPS.
Actually you receive two, one for the last person who lived there 15 years ago. The honest M-Donians will shred it. The dishonest ones will call up an NGO and make some COIN. But I digress…..
You grab your hunting knife and slice open the envelope and remove the ballot.
While filling it out with a #2 pencil, brisket grease from your lunch soils the ballot.
You try and clean it up with a wet wipe.
Your vote on these sacred ballots are now a mixture of lead and barbecue smudges that look more like something from the Lacaux Caves. (Look it up, most of you have not progressed much from those times. Anyway, I digress).
Your trustworthy government officials receive your “placemat-napkin-ballot” and can’t clearly distinguish your vote.
This is where ballot duplication comes in!!
The trustworthy government officials set the Tabulator to “Duplication Mode” and create a clean copy of your ballot.
They assign your votes as they see fit to a duplicate of your unreadable ballot while retaining FOREVER….the original while again, maintaining FOREVER a 100% perfect audit trail that is again, FOREVER available through FOIA requests (Freedom Of Interpretation Asshat).
They scan that 100% accurate interpretation of your votes into the tabulator.
[NOTE: The fact that in-person voting would prevent “placemat-ballot-napkins” and selling ballots to NGO’s is not relevant to this narrative deployment. Moving on…]
Now, I know the conspiracy theories are spinning through your heads because it is not that difficult for me to think like you. “Is he serious?” “Does ballot duplication exist?” Yes indeed it does exist and County Clerks LOVE it.
Remember I said 3 paragraphs ago I was going to “entertain”? Here it is. Through the combination of EDA’s creative talents combined with AI (artificial intelligence), I have produced this completely 100% FICTIONAL story that has NEVER happened and will NEVER happen to dispel further conspiracies on this matter. Enjoy “Frogs”.
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Title: "The Ballot Box Conspiracy"
In a dimly lit room deep within Domination Voting Systems' headquarters, a clandestine group known as the "Ballot Box Engineers" hatched a devious plan. Their goal? To sway election results in their favor using the very feature designed to ensure accuracy: Duplication mode.
1. Infiltration:
- The Ballot Box Engineers infiltrated the County, blending seamlessly with the legitimate workforce.
- Their leader, code-named "Cipher," was appointed as a ballot tabulator.
2. Setting the Stage:
- During a crucial election, Cipher identified key precincts where the race was tight.
- These precincts were strategically chosen—swing states, closely contested districts, and critical races.
3. The Duplication Ploy:
- As mail in ballots were received by the County, unbeknownst to the County Clerk, the Ballot Box Engineers secretly marked specific ballots as "damaged."
- These ballots were subtly altered—slightly smudged, torn, or misaligned.
- The Tabulating devices were then set to Duplication mode.
4. Creating Duplicates:
- Cipher and his/he/him team of Engineers meticulously duplicated the compromised ballots.
- But here's the twist: They subtly modified the duplicated ballots to favor their preferred candidates.
- A vote for Candidate A became a vote for Candidate B.
5. Invisible Manipulation:
- The duplicated ballots looked pristine, identical to the originals.
- Election workers, unaware of the deception, scanned them into the system.
- The tabulators counted these fraudulent votes as legitimate.
6. Statistical Noise:
- The Engineers spread their manipulated ballots across multiple precincts.
- Each fraudulent vote was a needle in a haystack, lost in the statistical noise.
- No single precinct showed suspiciously high numbers.
7. The Tipping Point:
- As the night wore on, the manipulated votes accumulated.
- Swing states teetered on the edge.
- The Ballot Box Engineers monitored the results, ready to adjust their strategy.
8. Victory by a Whisker:
- In the final tally, their preferred candidates eked out narrow victories.
- The media celebrated the "close race" and "democratic process."
- But behind the scenes, the Ballot Box Engineers toasted their success.
9. Cover-Up:
- The original ballots were buried deep into the mail in ballot stacks
- The audit trail was meticulously scrubbed from the USB drive
- Domination’s reputation remained intact.
10. The Unseen Puppeteers:
- The world never knew—the Ballot Box Engineers pulled the strings.
- Democracy danced to their tune.
Excellent and entertaining writing, thank you